Tehillim · A Psalm for the moment
Which Tehillim do we say in mourning?
In Jewish mourning it is customary to say Tehillim (Psalms) 23, 16 and 91, together with the psalms whose opening letters spell the name of the one who died. The Kaddish is a separate practice.
The psalms of grief
When someone we love has died, the tradition does not hand us silence — it hands us words that Jews have carried through this same door for three thousand years. The custom is to say Tehillim (Psalms) 23, the shepherd's psalm, ה׳ רועי, Hashem ro'i — the Eternal is my shepherd, I shall not want; along with 16 and 91. There is also an old and tender custom of saying the psalms whose opening letters spell out the name of the one who died, so that the very name is lifted before Heaven.
Where this comes from
This is custom, the living practice of Jewish homes and communities, not a single decree — which is part of its warmth. The Kaddish, the mourner's prayer that never once mentions death, is a separate practice with its own place and its own conditions; it is not one of these psalms and should not be folded into them. For how Kaddish is said in your situation, your rabbi or community is the right address.
What to do
If you can, say Tehillim 23, 16 and 91 in the memory of the one you have lost, and name them aloud. If today all you can manage is the shepherd's psalm, that is enough — Jewish mourning is wise, and it knows that love cannot be rushed. May their memory be a blessing, zichronam livracha.
Source: Custom; Tehillim 23, 16 and 91.
When the moment itself is heavier than the search for a page number, Kolí (the Tehillim for the moment you are living) sets the right psalm open in front of you, so grief can simply be grief.
Open Kolí